NOTES ON THIS EPISODE

Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, is a descendant of Mexican Indians of the Toltec tribe.  In his book, he passes along ancient wisdom of the Toltec people, simple ideas for a better life.

1) Be Impeccable With Your Word

Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

• Develop integrity to your word.  Do what you say you will do.  This builds trust in those around you.

Tony Robbins — What people crave most is a feeling of certainty.

• Don’t overcommit yourself.  Think before you sign yourself up for something.

“Make commitments with care, and honor them with integrity.”  – Les Brown

• Don’t exaggerate facts.  Once people catch you exaggerating, they wonder about everything you tell them.  “Exaggeration factor”

• Don’t say anything about someone that you wouldn’t say directly to them.  

Speak up with others speak in a way that is insulting or hurtful toward someone else.  Calling-in vs. calling-out.

• Spread your positive influence in every opportunity that you have.

Share good information, use your social media in a positive fashion, be a positive influence on others.

 

2) Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

• Needless suffering – how most people respond to the influences of others

—> Dushka Zapata lesson:  “I suffer less.”

• “He makes me so mad!”

• Don’t let anyone have that power over you.

• Make a paradigm shift about receiving criticism.

• Be grateful for those who are willing to be open and candid with you.

• Accept negative feedback as a tool for greater self-awareness and to more rapidly improve yourself.

• Never assume bad intentions when someone does or says something that bothers you.

 

3) Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

• Different people process information in different ways.  Male / Female

• Ask questions to clarify how another person is feeling about things.

• Part of not making assumptions is not assuming others can tell how YOU feel.

• Be willing to communicate clearly, without ego and without too much emotion.

Covey: “When the air is charged with emotions, an attempt to teach/influence is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection.”

• If you have trust and you don’t take things personally, then your clear communication with others will usually be well-received and extremely helpful.

 

4) Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment.  It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

• Your best is not a comparison to anyone else.  Do the best with what you have.

Greatness In the Moment

• Doing less than your best has a deteriorating effect on your psyche, self-image, and future expectations.

• The flip side is that when you truly give your best, you feel better about yourself, and more often, you reach your goals.  This starts a “success cycle” in your life.

Napoleon Hill “Success consciousness”

• The goal is not to be better than anyone else, but rather to be better today than you were yesterday.  What are you doing to get better every day?

• On my To-Do List:  Did You Do Your Best Today?  BE GREAT TODAY!

 

A couple last ideas … not from DMR, but from Don Daniel Casetta:

— Develop a win-win mentality

Succeeding in life and becoming a great influencer of people is not about US trying to win at the expense of other people.  Real success in business and in relationships involves OTHER people feeling good as well.

Ex. – Making a sale

Ex. – Conflicts in relationships

You have to be genuinely interested in others’ well being. 

Covey :  “Why don’t we agree to communicate until we can find a solution that we BOTH feel good about?”

A great bit of advice I have is — Be the first mover in a conflict situation.

It’s interesting how people respond when you apologize or start with “you’re right”.

This takes a strong person, because you are subordinating your ego to your purpose.  You’re truly more interested in what’s right instead of who’s right.

— Last, and this relates to the Win-Win Mentality, be a Giver, not a Taker.

A Taker is always looking out for their own benefit.

A Giver trusts that the world gives back to those who give.

A Taker always asks “What’s in it for me?”

A Giver looks for ways to add value to others.

A Taker sees the resources of the world as scarce and limited.

A Giver views the world as a place of unlimited possibility.

 

In the past, I have used the metaphor of a giant potluck banquet. 

When attending a potluck, a Giver is excited to bring their best offering to the event.

A Taker shows up empty-handed, or maybe brings a warm bottle of soda.

If one or even a few guests come empty-handed to a potluck, it might not get noticed and everyone should still have plenty to eat and drink.  But if more people show up empty-handed, the pleasure of the experience for everyone in attendance starts getting diminished.  On the other hand, if every single person brings their best dish to the banquet, the overall value of the event is increased, and everyone in attendance will get a greater share of the enjoyment of the event.

The world is sort of like that potluck banquet.  It we all bring our best to the party, we enhance the life experience for everyone we come in contact with.  If we choose not to add value to the world, we diminish the life experience for everyone, and everyone else who acts in the same selfish manner diminishes our own life experience. 

——-

From “The Other 90%”

“Day after day, every one of us is capable of small yet exceptional acts of initiative and caring. When we live our lives in original ways such as these, we also come to realize that positive behaviors are a primary driver of positive attitudes, not the other way around.”

Wanna feel happy and fulfilled?  Positive behaviors are the driver.

• Be impeccable with your word.

• Learn how to stop taking things personally.

• Leverage clear communication instead of making assumptions. 

• Ask more questions and do more listening.

• Maintain a win-win mentality. 

• Bring your best to every day.  BE GREAT TODAY!

 

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