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INFLUENCE is defined as the power to affect others.  

This IS the key skill for living the kind of life that we want!  It’s SO IMPORTANT to become truly GREAT at influencing others.  But not just for our own aspirations.

If you’re taking the time to listen to this podcast, the world needs you to affect others.  Most people out there NEED TO BE LED.  Most people are inherently followers.   

They need someone in their life who can show them what’s possible, who can inspire them into action, and who can convince them to hang in there when things get difficult.

LEADERS are the ones in life who get the most promotions, the most responsibility, 

the most pay, and the most personal satisfaction.

I’m going to talk about FIVE TOOLS today that you can leverage to have a more powerful effect on others around you.  I’ll take them one at a time …

1) CONNECTION 

— To have profound influence, we must create solid connection with others.

Tim Sanders – LIKE-ABILITY FACTOR —   Great influencers are able to create a consistently positive emotional response in those around them.

Consider first this question:

What type of emotional response do you elicit when you meet someone or when you enter a room?  Or more generally, how do you make people FEEL?

The STARTING POINT for solid connection is POSITIVE ENERGY.

Who do you know who’s great at this?  As soon as you start talking with them, you can feel a palpable sense of positive energy.  

Positive Energy for a conversation begins with GENUINE INTEREST.

• “Become genuinely interested in other people.” — Carnegie

— Develop a real fascination for other people, what makes them unique.

— Get people to talk about themselves

We connect more when we are INTERESTED than … INTERESTING.

— Use skillful questioning — Go 3 levels beyond the superficial.

— Find common ground

Become a great listener

— Encourage others to talk about themselves.

— Resist the temptation to cut in and interrupt.

— Listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to respond.  (Covey)

Your first impression is important.

— Appearance / attire

POSITIVE ENERGY, LISTENING SKILLS, YOUR PHYSICAL IMPRESSION

These all start the process of connection.  

FOR MORE ON THIS, DOWNLOAD MY FREE WORKBOOK “10 KEYS TO POWERFUL PERSONAL CONNECTIONS” AT DANCASETTA.COM.

The first powerful tool of influence is CONNECTION.  #2 is an obvious one … 

2) LANGUAGE

— The words we use are so powerful … it’s been said “Our words create our worlds.”

• To motivate others, learn to use (positive) desire-based phrases vs. (negative) fear-based phrases

— TOWARDS WHAT THEY WANT vs. AWAY from what they DON’T want.

— Aspirational words vs. Limiting words.

• Compliment things you like

Make sure compliments are sincere and heartfelt.

• Show appreciation

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

— William James

Develop the habit of saying “thank you” in all life settings.

• Use people’s names

“The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of one’s own name.”

More personal, but also GRABS ATTENTION

• Framing skills

There’s also a powerful set of influence skills that I first learned from Tony Robbins many years ago.  It’s called FRAMING SKILLS. I’ll touch on these briefly.

How we are feeling is usually based on what we are focused on.

What we do is often based on how we are feeling.

To change people’s behaviors, you have to change the way they feel.

To change the way they feel, you have to change what they are focusing on.

Framing skills help you affect what someone is focusing on.

1) The “as-if” frame

Examples from selling Cutco:

— “We have found that one of these 2 sets appeals to just about everybody, and if you were considering a set of Cutco today, which one would you select?”

— “If you did get this set, which investment plan would you utilize?”

Use this skill on yourself:

— “If you knew that you would accomplish the goal, how would it happen?”

By asking an “as-if” question, you get someone to stop focusing on why something can’t be done and instead focus on how it could be done.

2) Pre-framing – directing focus in advance 

— How we do this on Cutco demos:

“The first thing I want to tell you about Cutco is that it’s not cheap.  And I bet you’re actually glad to hear that, right?  Because what happens with cheap things?

— You can definitely relate this idea to real life in many situations.

3) Reframing – How we handle objections

— Objection Cycle:  Listen first, then acknowledge and clarify.  THEN propose solutions, and close again.

4) Deframing — Completely changing someone’s current focus by getting them to look in another direction all together.

— Changing the subject … “What’s that?”

“Do you like to travel? Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever been?  

Tell me about it.”

— In life, this means dropping a topic when you can see that you’re not getting anywhere, then coming back to it later at a possibly better time.

LANGUAGE — The 2nd key tool of influence.  It goes hand in hand with #3 … 

3) DEMEANOR

— It’s not just what you say, but HOW you say it that makes it stick.  Or not.

• Eye contact — conveys honesty and openness

• Smiling — important because it creates that positive energy … 

• Confidence

Its easier to follow someone when you know they know where they’re going!

Consider who you think are some of the most confident people you know …

How do they portray that confidence?

I think it’s about KNOWING where they’re going.

My one tip on this is that CONFIDENCE COMES FROM PREPARATION!

• I would also add that it takes CONGRUENCY.

Your demeanor must match your words.  “What convinces is conviction.”

• Part of the ART of demeanor is leaving EGO out of your communications with others.  A simple adjustment in tone of voice can multiply your influence.

“When the air is charged with emotions, an attempt to teach (influence) is often perceived as a form of judgment or rejection.”

Demeanor, a powerful tool of influence.  That’s 3.  Here’s #4 …

4) EXAMPLE

— No matter what you say, people will watch what you DO.

A few thoughts on this one … 

• Do what you say you will do.  

This builds trust, which is critical for influence.

• Keep commitments. 

Be judicious of what you sign up for in the first place, so that you can develop the reputation of always following through.  When people know they can count on you, it significantly increases your influence.

• Follow up swiftly

If someone asks you for something and you agree, get it done.

If they have to ask you twice, it compromises your influence.

• Deliver more than what you promise

CONNECTION, LANGUAGE, DEMEANOR, EXAMPLE

Here’s the 5th and most powerful tool, one which supersedes all the others … 

5) WHO YOU ARE
Who you are speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say.

HOW DO THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE VIEW YOU?

How do you become the type of person that people WANT to listen to?

How do you develop credibility?

— Produce — Become a walking example.

— Do what you say you’ll do — Integrity to your word.

— Care

Show people through your actions that you are interested in

their welfare as well as your own.

One of the most powerful lessons I ever learned is that … 

THE WORLD AROUND YOU IS A REFLECTION OF YOU.

WHO YOU ARE is perhaps the most powerful tool of influence.

As you develop yourself, your impact on others will be felt at a much greater level.

 

CLOSING STORY — Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev at the Summit in Iceland in October 1986.

— Reagan used his skills to CONNECT.

— He used DEFRAMING at a moment when his attempts to influence would otherwise have failed.

— His DEMEANOR was always one of composed confidence.

— He most certainly had to make and keep COMMITMENTS to keep the wheels moving on ending the arms race.

— He was, HIMSELF, viewed as a credible leader on the world stage.

HE CHANGED THE WORLD FOR MANY OF US WHO GREW UP IN THAT ERA.  

YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD OF TODAY OR TOMORROW.

Let’s all use our skills of influence to change lives!

 

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