BUY ALYCE’s NEW BOOK, THE MAGIC MOM HERE.

Q&A WITH ALYCE DAILEY

Q: Start by telling us a little bit about your family.

• Seth and I have been married for over 22 years. We met in college outside of Chicago. I’m from Baltimore originally, a child of immigrants. Seth is from Montana.
• We thought we were going into full-time ministry when we got married, but ended up wired for business, ended up building a really great real estate business in Baltimore; Keller Williams.
• We have got 4 amazing girls. In the last couple of years right before COVID-19, we moved from Baltimore to Austin, which is definitely a part of the story of the book.

Q: What prompted you to write the book?

• Everybody should write a book. We all have stories to tell that we can pass onto our kids. It’s always been a bucket list item of mine. Seth and I were lucky to hear Jim Rohn before he passed. We’d always make a list of things we wanted to do. I wanted to write a book. I had no idea of what kind of book I wanted to write. I had no idea of what I’d be qualified to write.
• In our 15-16 years in our real estate career, I was burned out. I kept pushing harder and harder, telling myself I’ll just keep on working and I will figure out what the next thing is. The funny thing is that’s not how life works. I didn’t have enough margin and whitespace in my life to even figure out what the next thing was. When you don’t create enough whitespace, when you don’t have enough self-care, life will stop. That’s what happened to me. One day, I couldn’t even go to the office. It wasn’t graceful or great and that is how I started taking care of myself.Sometimes, you need space in your life to allow what you want next to have that opportunity. I really wanted to get into what was next. How could I allow things that were painful in my life to be now a source of purpose?
• What’s the question other people ask you over and over again, but you answer without even thinking about it? It came so effortlessly for me it was how could I raise 4 daughters that were curious, kind, adventurous and entrepreneurial? I said that’s easy! I can write a story of the things we’ve done. Things we have done well and things we’ve really messed up.If we could come up with a system in our house, what would it end up being? That’s what Magic Mom ended up being. It’s a system. It’s not what to do, but rather a new way of thinking about ways you can approach parenthood and life.

Q: The book is written about moms and daughters, but obviously the principles apply to sons and dads and any parenting in any situation, right?

• There are 5 principles that transcend all things.
• I write for moms and daughters. I got a lot of stories about girls in the book. Yet, one of my best reviews is from a divorced dad with a son. So yes, it really transcends no matter what.

Q: M.A.G.I.C is an acronym of these 5 principles. Let’s discuss Model. What can you tell us about that?

• Kids are really watching what we are doing. They aren’t listening. How am I modeling who I want my daughter to be as an adult? We are often found telling them do this! Do this! Do this! They aren’t listening they’re too busy watching how we are living our lives.
• When a parent is asked what they want for their children one of the common answers is I want them to be happy. Okay, when someone looks at you, would they say you’re happy? Really getting introspective like what are the models that I am projecting, modeling for her? Even bigger than that, who are my models for different areas of life? How am I learning? How am I growing? What models am I actively choosing with my physical and emotional health? Because they are going to repeat the same things.

Q: What else do you feel you and Seth have done really, really well modeling for your daughters?

• Living by our values. My #1 core value is community. That comes from a place of profound pain in my life and wanting to have friends become family. We wanted our kids to learn how to welcome people into our home. that friends aren’t strangers for long. They are just family we haven’t met yet. We wanted them to shake the hands of an adult and carry on a conversation with the adult who would think they’re talking with a peer.They get to learn how to live values we hold dear. We are very clear about our values and them finding what their values are.

Q: So, the A in M.A.G.I.C Mom is affirm. Tell us about it.

• Spoken affirmation enables my sub-conscious to help me find the answers. The words we speak to ourselves are so important and I don’t think we think of them enough.

Q: Affirm is about designing well-spoken words that represent what you want, who you want to be, and what you want to attract in life, right?

• Affirm can come in a variety of things. The most common are words. I also think in terms of who are the community you want to hang out with? Who are the people you surround yourself with? Because they will affirm things in you, for you and with you as well.

Q: In this part, you also talk about letting go and you use the term “uncomfortable growth.” Can you tell us what you mean by that?

• If we are comfortable, we probably aren’t growing. You come out of the other side, better, different and wiser.

Q: The G in M.A.G.I.C is for grace. How does that manifest in your family?

• The question I pose is who can I extend grace to in this situation, this moment?
• We also need to have grace with ourselves.

Q: You have a phrase in this section “we repeat what we don’t repair.” What are your views of some of the areas of life where you felt like repair has been urgent or necessary for you, your family or relationships?

• History repeats itself. It’s got different with ourselves, our families. Nobody escapes without some form of trauma. It is what shapes us. Trauma does pass down from generation to generation until someone is willing to deal with it.

Q: The I in M.A.G.I.C is inquire?

• I wish that one of the skills schools taught was asking powerful questions. It is a gateway to a whole new world. Daring to ask different levels of questions. You want to launch your kids into the world in a way they will be resourceful and not need a handout.

Q: Finally, the C is for coaching. What does coaching your daughters look like for you and Seth?

• A good coach is vested in the outcome of the game if we do our job well as a coach in the first 18 years, when we launch them into the world, they will want us to come back as consultants.

FINAL THOUGHTS

• M is for model. What am I projecting in my own life? Are you living by your values and are your children seeing that?
• A is for affirm the words we speak to our ourselves and children.
• The G is for grace and who can I extend grace to particularly? Extending grace to ourselves and other people around us because life is this imperfect journey for all of us.
• The I is for inquire. What new questions can I ask that open up possibilities and become the person that’s a skillful questioner and steer conversation, thought or ourselves and our children in the direction of possibility and opportunity.
• C is for coach. Being the right kind of coach for our children results in us been invited to be consultants once our children are raised and then the question of who is coaching you? What are you doing to up-level your game as a parent?

BUY ALYCE’s NEW BOOK, THE MAGIC MOM HERE.

Show Notes for this episode provided by Brian Njenga.

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